Saturday, July 15, 2017

Amelia and her human

She trotted up to me just as would a dog. Sniffed around my ankles and looked up to get a petting. Been a while since I had touched a pig and I was a bit surprised at the rough texture of Amelia’s fur.  I was there to interview her human, Sabrina (Brie) Henderson, actress, producer, writer and all ‘round creative person. 

Brie said she had a few things to do inside (I was early) so she left me with Amelia. I bent down to more closely engage the little critter. 

I was taken AWAY back when Amelia asked in a whisper, “Is she gone?”

“Wha…what..pigs can’t tal..!” Interrupting, she launched into an obviously well-rehearsed monologue. 

“She had another pig before me, but Clarissa unexpectedly died very young. I understand she was a handful-sassy and difficult."

“But, but, you can’t tal…”

“And no,” Amelia went on, “I am not named for the famous Aviatrix from Leavenworth. You know, the ‘when pigs fly’ association. Brie just thought I looked like an Amelia.

“I can tell you all you need to know.”

"The FIRST thing I want to know is HOW DO YOU TAL…”

“Brie grew up in Independence, Harry’s home town, with goats, chickens and of course pigs. She is one of those adorable animal lovers, you see. When Brie and Andrew-her fiancé- came to the farm to pick me up, it was love at first sight. Andrew was hesitant about getting a pig back before they got Clarissa, but the two became as close as two pigs at the trough, so to speak. I don’t let Brie know this, but he is actually my fav. You won’t tell?”

“Uh, no, BUT….”

“LOL, dogs are so gullible ☺ And stupid. I steal his toys and then hide them in exactly the same place in my bed every time. He never figures it out.  Have a bluff on him: it is all about the attitude. I just snort and paw the floor and boy, does he get spooked! It is fun to watch.

“The two cats? Well, let’s just say that after Andrew or Brie rub me with coco butter to keep my skin soft 😆 , the two cats LOVE me! They snuggle up, start purring and carefully groom me, licking my fur all over, in my ears and around my snout. Sometimes I fall asleep it is so relaxing.

“Oh, but you came to talk about Brie, didn’t you?”

“She is a lovely, ambitious young lady, a bit full of herself, but that is to be expected in an actress."  

(I had figured out I was not going to get THE answer, so I just let her ramble, incredulous though I was).

“Brie has this ulcerative colitis stuff. Nasty, nasty. Messed up her large intestine.  About the time it got really bad she was already doing a one-woman show about her, ah, pooping experiences from the condition. It is a comedy. Really. She had performed the show in NYC, so when she got the California gig you might say she was a bi-coastal promoter of poop, or something like that. Anyway, her gut got so bad during the LA show that she came home, went straight from the airdrome (always loved that word!) to the hospital. Doc says 'remove the large intestine.' It was shot anyway. Three operations later, I guess she is on the mend. She sure seems chipper anyway ☺ 

“Uh, oh, I think she’s coming back, so I gotta be quick. She doesn’t know I can talk. And don’t you tell her! Oh, and  and she wrote and co-directed another poop play, called “Taming of the Poo” and there are like 16 other actors that tell the stories of people who wrote Brie after seeing her performances in NY or LA. Brie talks about her own poop too. It was at the Fringe Festive in KC this summer.Seems everyone is anxious to talk about poop. Who knew?”

Brie reappeared.

“So how have you and Amelia been getting along?” 

Brie must have seen how weirded out I appeared and with a concerned look asked “Are you OK?”

“Sure, I replied. It isn’t every day one gets to interview a pig.” We both laughed and Brie motioned for me to sit down to begin our conversation. I did not let on that I already had enough info. 

Amelia snorted, and apparently irritated that I would joke about her pig English, took a little nibble on my ankle.

-Roy Inman

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